“Truly it has been said that there is nothing new under the sun, for knowledge is revealed and is submerged again, even as a nation rises and falls. Here is a system, tested throughout the ages, but lost again and again by ignorance or prejudice, in the same way that great nations have risen and fallen and been lost to history beneath the desert sands and in the ocean depths.” ~ Paracelsus (http://www.world-mysteries.com).
Bob Diamond: Being from Earth, as you are, and using as little of your brain as you do, your life has pretty much been devoted to dealing with fear.
Daniel Miller: It has?
Bob Diamond: Well everybody on Earth deals with fear−that’s what little brains do.
Bob Diamond: …Fear is like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything−real feelings, true happiness, real joy. They can’t get through that fog. But you lift it, and buddy, you’re in for the ride of your life.
Daniel Miller: God…my three percent is swimming.
~ Albert Brooks, Defending Your Life, 1991. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101698/quotes).
Prologue: What is Energy Work?
The skilled ski instructor gracefully glided backwards down the mountain while I gripped tightly onto her ski pole. As we accelerated, the mountain and I were briefly one before I let go and fell into cold powder. Exhilaration. I have yet to ski on my own, but I do have that glorious memory to call upon. How does one explain the feeling of skiing if they have no context? For many, one must have the experience before they can ‘know’ what something is. This knowing through experience is called experiential knowledge.
Like skiing, it’s difficult to explain energy work to someone who has never had the experience. Reiki, reconnection, soul retrieval, alignments, aura balancing, sound and light therapies, noetic field therapy are just a few examples of an amorphous and auspicious field. Each has its own protocol and tradition just as each person has sense of what energy, chi, presence means to them, depending on their beliefs, and how open they’ve become. For me, working with an experienced light worker, or energy healer, has often felt like skiing down a mountain. I know the feeling of being completely supported in order to explore unfathomed depths of the psyche. This awareness has led me to a deeper understanding of both my subconscious and conditioned mind and the invisible wounds that have contributed to the habit patterns of distortion: anxiety, confusion, and depression. It has also expanded ‘the God of my understanding’ by opening my awareness of an ever-widening archetypal canvas.
One of my most gifted teachers and healers is Robert D. Waterman, EdD, LPCC, who founded both the Southwestern College in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and the Amenti Mystery School where he teaches Noetic Field Therapy (NFT). Dr. Waterman has taught many practitioners how to skillfully work within a person’s energy field, helping them identify emotional blocks constructed through long-held faulty beliefs. He teaches how to deconstruct these patterns by helping a person identify the self-limiting beliefs from which they judge themselves, and assists in clearing through an alignment with Christ/spiritual light and self-forgiveness statements. First and foremost, he teaches all of this by bringing the would-be practitioners through their own processes. Before we can guide someone else down the mountain, we must learn the terrain for ourselves. The intended outcome is a practice of radical self-acceptance and for me a journey to wellness.
I’ve received profound healings from working with Robert, but because these healings are experienced at deep psychological levels, it’s sometimes difficult to convey what happened. Thus said, the following is an account of my first meeting with Robert when I began my Masters of Art in Counseling at Southwestern College. This was the very beginning of touching my awareness that I carried deep within my psyche an incarnation wound. This distorted belief, driven by an undercurrent of resistance, had been limiting the fullness of my life. This is my compassionate journey, a moment in time when I first set upon a path of self-forgiveness, and began to practice acceptance for all that there is and all that there will be.
“Robert, there’s a block here.”
I really didn’t know what an energy ‘block’ was, but I was in the middle of a classroom experiential, and something BIG was happening to me.
It was my first week at Southwestern College and, due to a scheduling glitch, I found myself in a weekend course called Ancient Mysteries. I would later spend a year in Dr. Waterman’s Amenti Mystery School. I’d never heard of a mystery school before, and ancient mysteries were the unwrapped mummies I’d seen on the Discovery Channel. I would later understand that the ancient mysteries and mystery schools were rooted in the mystical traditions of secret sects of ancient Greece where initiates accessed the Platonic wisdom teachings, the same teachings that informed the gnostic sects of early Christianity, and the mystical traditions of Kabbalah and Sufism. These teaching include sacred geometry, archetypal cosmology, and alchemy to name a few. What I didn’t know then was this was my introduction to quantum field therapy, in essence, energy work, and I was about to have a pre-birth experience.
At the beginning of this process, Dr. Waterman had the circle of students move into their loving by aligning with higher power. We called in the light through a simple prayer thus becoming conscious and operating out of our expanded Self. We then began to discuss noetics and how cognitive distortions were formed. Our psyches construct realities through our cognitive formations; especially uncomfortable when we form a judgment or believe about ourselves that perpetuates limitation and suffering. Through this discourse and exploration, deep-seated issues began to arise. Dr. Waterman helped students deconstruct faulty perceptions with self-forgiveness statements.
He held the energetic space with me by having me track my earliest memory of fear, guiding me like a ski instructor through my energy field with laser precise questions. “Tell me a time you felt abandoned, or unsupported.”
My mind sped through a panorama of memories, and continued beyond childhood to a time I could not fully grasp nor understand. My heart beat faster, my body flushed. I was confused. My mind struggled to solve an unsolvable problem, and when it could not reconcile this incongruent memory, I shut down. Suddenly, I could no longer understand what he was saying. There was a sound distortion like Charlie Brown’s teacher, WHA WHA WHA. WHA WHA. “There’s a block here,” I reported.
“Put your hand out. Can you touch it?”
I tentatively stretched out my hand and touched the perceived energy “block” in my field. “Yes.” Through my inner sight, I was aware my energy was dense, hard like a walnut. I was amazed I could sense it. I do not recall what Dr. Waterman said after that, but once I touched the distortion, I felt a rush of energy move upwards towards a clearer understanding. “I don’t think I ever wanted to be here,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“To be born.”
Again, my somatic sensations heightened with the perception I was about to fall from unified grace to incarnate into a suffering finite mass of flesh. I felt myself split from the oneness with God’s love−a decent into a hell realm, a dying. I literally didn’t want to be born into this new scary world. I felt terror, and pushed hard against it like a child pushing away from a parent’s will−“NO!”− I thought with an intensity I’d never felt before.
“I forgive myself for resisting my own life.”
I repeated the words he calmly instructed me to say. Tears and panic welled up. This was the moment of my birth, and my resistance was futile against that wild river ride of new life. The force of my pure consciousness crashed towards the material body like a speeding train. I was terrified, but powerless to stop this mighty force of life. I was all water in the re-experience of birth and uncontrollable tears.
In a rush of energy, I moved through the birth canal, and into the world. Time stopped. I was distressed, still in tears, but soon my breath slowed and my awareness returned to the room, to the loving expressions of therapists in training, and to those who were trying to make sense of what they’d witnessed. I tried to smile, ashamed. There’d been such an emotional release in front of so many, but I’d been powerless to control the intense experience. However, a major block had shifted. In this shift, there was more space from which life energy flowed, less fear, more joy. I felt lighter, more vulnerable−more alive. The absence of that block was huge. I’d not known that there’d been such a resistance to my birth, a pattern I still carried in many aspects of my life.
I’ve read the esoteric writings of Eastern gurus from various traditions, and many express a similar teaching−the ultimate illusion is ones separation from the divine mind. Our divinity and Universal Consciousness (God, if you will) are one in the same. It’s who we really are. Illusion or not, my fall into duality was harrowing. It felt as if I had been separated, fallen from Grace−cast out of the Garden of Eden, so to speak. It has showed up in all sorts of ways throughout my life, mostly labeled as existential angst. The world should be better, safer, fairer, less destructive, more loving. The world as I’d sometimes experienced it seemed distorted like a black and white film negative of a radiant photograph. Often, I’d felt myself frustrated because no matter how hard I tried, my experience didn’t live up to that radiance, that image, the one that intuitively guided the direction of my heart.
I met others along the way, other sensitive souls, who often described similar distortions. They questioned whether they belonged “here.” They, too, struggled to find their place, their purpose, and their tolerance for suffering. The way I arrived at a remembrance that day in Dr. Waterman’s class gave me a different description−incarnation wound.
For me, my lesson in discovering such a karmic wounding has been an attempt to struggle less, surrender more. Through these practices of self-forgiveness, my awareness has been raised, transcendence is clearer, and I’ve been more open to my life. Operating out of that space brings less separation. It has given me opportunity to glimpse greater truths about myself. It has also brought me into a deeper connection with the divine and the sacred texts that have pointed the way towards unity.
© Patricia L. Meek, MFA, MA, LPC